For the past two years, I’ve been working on cultivating more self-love. Not that because I didn’t love myself. I didn’t love myself enough. I spent most of my time molding myself into what people around me deem to be acceptable. I spent more time thinking if people like me more than asking myself whether I like me or not. And I am sure most people do that too. We care more about what people think of us than what we think of our own self. Which is sad.
In the process of trying to live more peacefully I’ve sacrificed relationships and my feelings. As much as I value the connection between me and the people around me there were times I feel disconnected from these people because I couldn’t vibe with them. They didn’t exert the kind of energy that will lift and propel me into becoming the person I want to be. I am a firm believer in getting rid of toxic relationships. Not because I hate these people. But because I value myself and I know I couldn’t grow if I stick with people who don’t understand myself and support me.
There was a time in my life where I kept all of my opinions to myself because I was afraid of being wrong and I didn’t want people to talk behind my back. I was once told that people talked behind my back because I was being too opinionated. So I tried not to be ‘too opinionated’. But that didn’t make me feel any better, I wasn’t feeling like myself. This went on for quite a while. Then I reached a point where I realised that I should let go of whatever didn’t make me feel like my best self. Be it people, thing or emotion.
I am taking the steps to be real. I will say what I want to say. I will do what I want to do and do it my way. I am not going to say this is me and you have to accept me for who I am. Because let’s face it that’s not how this world work. But I am working on myself to be the best version of myself. I am working on living my truth. I am working on being more empathy. I am working on being more open. I am working on being more kind. I am working on being less judgmental. I am working on being honest. This is not an easy quest. Sometimes I messed up. I have had moment where I wasn’t proud of my actions. And this journey, my friends, is a battle between the heart and the mind. Which I’m sure none of us find it easy.